Ah friends with benefits, an enticing yet complex idea that two people can engage in a sexual relationship without any feelings involved. Sounds like the perfect scenario, doesn’t it? While this route may not be the road some choose to travel, it is a common theme for 20-somethings in this day and age. Think of it like a diet soda, you get all the good stuff, but without any of the calories.
Generation-Y is extremely busy and filled with ADD, so it really should come as no surprise that they do not choose to involve themselves in deep, emotional relationships. Friends with benefits (FWB) are the best way to maximize your options while gaining the highest rewards.
Eddie Cuffin explained to us the 10 ways to maintain a successful FWB relationship, but we’ve yet to consider what the pros and cons of this type of arrangement actually are. Today we are going to further investigate the positive and negative factors.
Pro: Convenience
You have someone at your disposal to fulfill your physical needs. You don’t need to worry about rearranging your schedule since this person is not your priority, #winning. Whenever your schedule allows for it, you have your rendezvous. There is no reason to plan ahead since this is a casual fling, if you have time, you have time, if not — it’s not the end of the world.
Con: Someone Usually Ends Up Hurt
There’s always the risk that someone’s emotions will get out of whack, which can lead to the dissolution of the initial friendship. Many FWB relationships often emerge out of an already present friendship, but that’s the risk you take. Despite declaring the rules at the beginning of the arrangement, there’s always an emotional gamble. People too often mistake sex for love, which can become a huge problem in this type of relationship, since it is based off sex.
Pro: Less Drama
Because there are no strings attached, you basically have no obligations to this person, so of course there will be less fighting/tension. You both know what you signed up for when beginning this “relationship,” so there really is no room for disappointment. The worst parts of a relationship are the petty fights and huge disagreements; this type of situation allows you to avoid all of that sh*t.
Con: How Do You Declare It Over?
If you are engaging in this type of relationship, how do you decide when it’s over? This can be a very awkward conversation to have with someone. As a rule of thumb, it’s best not to let this last longer than three months because that’s when feelings begin to build. This conversation should probably occur in the beginning stages of involvement, so that both participants are aware of the stipulations surrounding the situation.
Pro: Bang Whomever You Want
One of the biggest pros of a FWB relationship is probably the fact that you can also have sex with whomever else you feel like, without feeling guilty. You can go out any night you want and flirt and bring home whomever you want at the time. You are free from the obligations a relationship demands while still reaping the benefits. The more the merrier!
Con: Juggling
Since you get to bang whomever you want, whenever you want to, it should come as no surprise that at any given time you would be juggling more than one partner. This is perfectly fine since you are not taking part in a monogamous relationship, but this can get pretty awkward if your hook ups cross paths. The best way to avoid this from happening is to make sure these people are in completely different social circles so that they have no chance of overlapping. It’s not as if you were doing anything wrong, this is just one of those situations it is best to avoid altogether.
Con: Awkwardness In Public
Let’s say that you and your partner have the same group of friends and you go out together from time to time. How do you act when you are around them? You aren’t in a full-fledged relationship, so there should be no need to act overly friendly. However, you both have seen each other naked and most likely on more than one occasion.
This is inherently awkward since both people are probably unsure of how to act. What happens if you’re at the same bar and one of you decides to bring someone else home? The other cannot get mad or jealous because that is completely contradictory to the FWB concept. This is awkward in every aspect regardless if you “don’t care” because it’s sort of like a slap in the face to you.
Pro/Con: Comfort
There is a level of comfort in familiarity. The awkwardness that plagues dating and courting is cast aside here. There is no getting to know you phase, no introduction to friends and family and most certainly no actual dates. The con of this factor is that the more time you spend with this person, the risk of getting sucked in emotionally will only increase.
Pro: It’s Fun
When it comes down to it, it’s fun. Having great sex can be exhilarating, especially when you don’t have to worry about all the bullsh*t that comes along with relationships. If you and your “partner” are both forthcoming and honest about your intentions, there is little risk of getting hurt. Sex for the sake of sex, what could be better?
Con: Not Very Safe
Chances are that if you are continually having sex with the same person, you may not be using a condom each and every time. The entire premise of this kind of relationship is that you have guaranteed sex while still being able to explore your options. The problem is is that you don’t know whether or not your partner is being safe with the other people he or she is sleeping with.
Even if you partner swears to you they are, you can never be 100% positive they are being honest with you. The more people you sleep with, the higher your chances are of contracting an STD. And let’s be real here, ain’t nobody got time for that.
